Yes, I am up in the middle of the night and very depressed. I have been pretty even on my meds. I even was feeling happy and playful again. But I messed up my meds and now I am going through hell and starting over again. I was crying not stop...Thought this would help. So far it has. You can't really type and cry at the same time.

It seems like when you are down those same old demons come to haunt you. To make a long story short... My daughter that is 19 now had a breakdown when she was a Junior in high school. We did every thing we could to help her, but living in a rural area it is hard to find good help. So we packed her up and sent her to Utah to live with my parents. It seems that during this time my daughter decided that I was the root of all of her problems and the my being bipolar screwed her up and she doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I have not spoken to her since spring break. She has refused to talk to me on the phone and would not answer my emails. She did come home for spring break and conned me into buying her a $299 digital camera and clothes. Then when she went back to Utah I was hated again. She made a big point to sent her sister a birthday present and card. But mine passed with out even so much as a card.

I know that I was a good mother. I did not smoke or drink. I did not beat her or assault her character. I sewed for hours so she could have the clothes that she wanted. I helped at her schools. I made sure she went to church. I helped her with her homework. I prayed with her. I loved her with all of my heart.

Also she has turned my family completely against me. They let me know as often as possible how disappointed they are in me because of the things I did when I was manic. They bring up my mistakes and tell me how terrible I was. The things I did where over 5 years ago. How long must some one be reminded of their mistakes. Of causer the mistakes they make are off limits. Because to point out any of my parents mistakes would be disrespect. Yet they are fine with my daughter lampooning me at every opportunity.

The hurt and anger I feel sometimes is so overpowering I feel that I can not go on another day, but I still go on. And I wonder if things will ever be somewhat better. Sometimes I am even happy.

I am feeling better. When I type it is like talking to someone that understands.